In an attempt to contribute to strengthening my chi, I have begun to write a book.

When I was in foster care, there was an importance to do some life story work. Going through the process it helps self identity and learning from reflection. It is now in which I am making effort to write things down.

I think that I had forms of Schizoaffective disorder when young, yet from various interactions and self reflection I was able to exit symptoms and progress in life.

Part of me feels that antipsychotic medication prolongs the time an individual experiences acute phases of mental ill health during times they make effort to stop taking it.

Cognitive activities such as pairing socks which is a mix and match activity, with encouragement helps mental & physical  agility. Folding bed linen with a helper, helps too. Having conversations talking things through aids recovery process.

Some individuals become physically aggressive yet they take this aggression out on objects than people. 

A patient poked me in the eyes when I was on one of the hospital wards. Due to being unwell I did not report it when it happened. There seemed to be no staff conducting the watch on the ward for patient safety. 

My experiences recently have led to realise I need to speak up more about things, to state as much as I can and avoid giving a partial impression of what I go through. Instead of living in my head. Yet this takes some getting used to, particularly when I have been living alone for so long.

I have had to be my own therapist to a certain extent. Prolonged thinking and limited leisure creates an unbalance.

Child on Child sexual assault


in recent weeks it has been reported that child on child sexual assault has risen by 71% percent.

See here:

A possible reason for this is that the child’s body systems are over stimulated / are over active and the child finds it difficult to fight the sensations.

Looking here:

A possible reason may be over active and or early development triggering of gonadotropin-releasing hormone system. Yet because of the system activating early, there is no outward developmental changes until the teenage years.

Something else that can cause early triggering of processes, is what the child is exposed to.

When young I remember being taken to barber shops and seeing pin ups of page 3 women and other exposed women.

When young I also saw some of a pornographic film, this due to a family relative putting it in the VCR by accident when I had gone to visit them.

Also the behaviour of adults and other children around the child can have an influence too.

The early activation of gonadotropin-releasing hormone system or part of the system, could also maybe due to the body compensating for some other developmental deficiency or ‘mutation’ = “the changing of the structure of a gene, resulting in a variant form which may be transmitted to subsequent generations, caused by the alteration of single base units in DNA, or the deletion, insertion, or rearrangement of larger sections of genes or chromosomes.”

An example of development happening early:

If this could be examined in greater detail it would be greatly appreciated?


It is 05:40am, I am making effort to understand. I read this for example: Why have four children when you could have seven? Family planning in Niger

Cultural dynamics, peer pressure, education, religion, and economic development combine to affect an individuals life.

I try not to be ignorant. I try not to be judgemental. Yet people in general go with what they know and form opinions based on what they know and have experienced.

In the web linked article, the grandparents present 1 pressure to have more children, others are mentioned too. What is their reason? More hands to tend the land? What causes them not to be satisfied with 4 children yet to ingrain numbers such as 10–12 children to be born? In a harsh environment. Children to often experience hunger, ill health, and early death, why?


Article states some married at age 10.

Being an Adult. What constitutes an Adult: a group understanding of certain rights an individual gets at a certain age. A group understanding of certain things an individual is to know.

Sometimes I hear ‘respect your elders ‘ – Yet if I see nothing from an elder for me to respect, what then? A young carer may accumulate more wisdom and mental maturity, and conduct themselves in a manner which brings about respect, more than how some older people go about life.

I do not make automatic assumptions just because of a persons age. Its not the years, its the mileage. Yet I hold an optimism by a certain age some things would of dawned on people.

To help iron out majority of issues, we need greater effort to help support & safeguard young people, because they turn into ‘Adults’ and as Adults, others rely on them and when they fall down, it causes trauma and negative impacts and fouls life up for people, and the cycle repeats. Because: people in general go with what they know and form opinions based on what they know and have experienced, affecting behaviour and what they do. People copying bad role models because of being misled or wanting to be part of a group and or not be picked on / bullied, is damaging in the long run.

Digging through all of this to get to the authentic person underneath and helping them aspire is important too.

I am up against a repeated thought of ‘do nothing’. And I wonder if its my brain indicating a state it is in. I wonder if its God indicating that my life has been tampered with and to watch what does happen, to keep faith and know that he is in control. I wonder if the things shown to me were shown to others and if they took heed to try and remember or not.


‘The Kingdom of God is within you.’ Meaning it is within your capabilities to attain or everything that constitutes the Kingdom of God is literally in us. Lucifer the Devil cast out of the Kingdom, going further to say, he dances around us outside, is not in us. We battle with conflicting do and do not do. Do bad do wrong and we say no. It is acknowledged we can become weak and develop vices fall on these to cope. Yet tackling these and effort toward removing the vices is important. Because vices limit us.

Ultimately don’t die, don’t self destruct.

Sometimes people may want things, yet they arent really ready for them. Go away sort yourself out and see where things are when done.