I have suffered with Atonic Seizures for 2 to 3 years. It arose from taking Paliperidone. A horrid drug for me. I then after requesting numerous times got changed to depixol yet I still suffer from Atonic seizures and dissociative weakness. On the 21st January I am having a medicine review and hope they change my medication and don’t sweet talk me into staying with depixol.
Over the last year I have made an effort to say morning and afternoon to people when I am out on the street. Sometimes they look serious and once you say hello, they smile back and say morning and afternoon too. I have been doing this to help my social anxiety. Sometimes they just look at me and walk on. Don’t take the silence personally, some people still follow the rule of not to speak to strangers, yet we are adults now. Nothing wrong with being nice to one another. I need to get past this ice breaker and develop friendships. To have friends to visit different places with or to spend time with combating social isolation.
I continue to have head drops and fall sleepy. Sometimes it is random, sometimes it’s in response to what people say and sounds, light and shadow too. Medication plays a part in prolonging it. I’m to trust the Doctors. I have not been very active yet still give thanks for what I am still able to do. Reading the new testament, trying to also learn my timetable to keep my mind active. I’ve been listening to the world around me, some of it reminds me of family life, some of it advises what I should eat and drink. Listening to music all the time the mind ends up relying on it like a drug to get through the day. I have been trying to take a break from it.
The time is 22:43 and I will wipe the kitchen counters and the table.
For some individuals that have conscious & unconscious interpretation, particularly when young, when adults for example say butt seer or blouse and skirt, or are loose with their language re swearing around children, it can impact child development. Observing how adults relate, a child may have developmental issues that carry on into their adult years.
There are certain things / behaviours we cannot be care free about, which transcend time.
In an attempt to contribute to strengthening my chi, I have begun to write a book.
When I was in foster care, there was an importance to do some life story work. Going through the process it helps self identity and learning from reflection. It is now in which I am making effort to write things down.
I think that I had forms of Schizoaffective disorder when young, yet from various interactions and self reflection I was able to exit symptoms and progress in life.
Part of me feels that antipsychotic medication prolongs the time an individual experiences acute phases of mental ill health during times they make effort to stop taking it.
Cognitive activities such as pairing socks which is a mix and match activity, with encouragement helps mental & physical agility. Folding bed linen with a helper, helps too. Having conversations talking things through aids recovery process.
Some individuals become physically aggressive yet they take this aggression out on objects than people.
A patient poked me in the eyes when I was on one of the hospital wards. Due to being unwell I did not report it when it happened. There seemed to be no staff conducting the watch on the ward for patient safety.
My experiences recently have led to realise I need to speak up more about things, to state as much as I can and avoid giving a partial impression of what I go through. Instead of living in my head. Yet this takes some getting used to, particularly when I have been living alone for so long.
I have had to be my own therapist to a certain extent. Prolonged thinking and limited leisure creates an unbalance.