Thursday, 28th September 2017 – updated.

4:14 am. I have woken, have slept for about 3 hours and 30+ minutes.

I put my glasses on, they have a blue reflect blue light coating. Looked at my phone, which has a light filter app, and searched cheap blue LED light addictive’ and read this: 

Harvard Blue LED research


Internet addiction in Children and Adolescents: Risk factors and Assessment

Manufacturers are said to use blue LED lights in their technology because it is cheap to produce. Yet due to the addictive and functional harms that it causes, there must be something in regulation which states there must be a change in the the light tech they use? Peoples will power varies and often need an external regulator to safeguard the less informed & the vulnerable like children, teenagers and adults from the harms of technology.

Someone can say ‘don’t use the technology, don’t buy it, don’t use it.’ Yet in the face of powerful advertising and marketing influencing people, and the mass integration of technology into daily life, this can be difficult. But not impossible.

Before going to bed a few hours ago, I watched these videos.

This is Why You Don’t SUCCEED – One of the Best M…:


Simon Sinek: The Video That Will Change Your Life:

Simon Sinek – NOBODY WINS (Best Motivational Spee…:

The videos together help give valuable insight. Do watch them.

Things I will put effort into being consistent with are:

Eating oats porridge each day: inside it has something which helps my cells better utilise energy & stored sugar. 

Eating a few cherries before bed: inside they boost melatonin, which aids sleep.
Return to exercising for 20 minutes: riding the bike & afterward lifting my dumbbells. I need to return to the investment in me. The reason for buying them.

There are 12 or so hours we are active, possibly 18 hours if a person sleeps for 6 hours. 

I am between being Economically inactive and being unemployed. I make effort to volunteer when able. 
A challenge to set myself will be how much more will I accomplish if I limit ‘live each day as it comes.’ And schedule in key things to do each day.
Building healthy habits takes consistency over time. Be kind to myself through this process, limit being self critical, be compassionate & empathetic to myself.
Yesterday I spilt melon juice on myself. My reaction was looking at it and then laughing. I got past the inconvenience. This is healthy. Getting worked up over it serves no one. If it happened were I out and customer facing, it is unfortunate and life goes on. Having a spillage is not something that occurs, not something I do everyday, so be chilled out. All the other days a person has been presentable when representing their organisation can get lost in the moment of spillage, where they can get angry at it, and lost in thoughts of what others will think. Also if stressed and under pressure, this can affect their reaction too.

Yet going deeper, what does stress and being under pressure mean? Is it a signal to say, I am not coping in the current situation, and why?  Do I isolate & not reach out for support from others? Do I have a limiting outlook where I feel I must take on everything on my own? People can get so caught up with responsibility and being independent, that they can lose sight of being responsible to reach out for help. Could it be they are not getting help when called upon, when they do reach out? Then reach out elsewhere. Do not let poor management or poor leadership from others screw you up. We are human, we can buckle under pressure. More so if you have a mental ill health vulnerability. Which makes reaching out in its varied forms even more important.

I will record messages to myself and set them as alarm tones to remind to do key things in the day. The impact of hearing yourself reminding you to do some self investment can be greater than just reading it in a notification.

9:39pm: I will ride the exercise bike now.

Prior to now, I wrote the following:
This condition I have, causes me to dip in and out of time. I am brought to realise things during venturing out of my TARDIS, my Fortress of Solitude. It sees the best of me & sees the worst.

Seeing others going on their way through life, where for me, my life is my time.

I wonder if I am being reminded of the time I made effort, living the moments again.

I remember asking God, if I am headed for Hell, allow me to enjoy my time. If I am pitted against an Adversary who will test me until my time is done, can you give me an alert for when it happens. Even Teachers stand with their students, on the journey, teaching. I fear you, yet wont be pleading when the time comes. I will stand before you again and say this is all I had done in my time. Responsibility for my time.

Highway to Heaven and Quantum Leap comes to mind.

Free will, we are free to set out & work towards something. Be it formulated in our minds or by physical effort. What goes on around us & the people we meet, has an effect on how we move forward, thought wise & physically.

Mental ill health can bring us to a place where something hidden restrains us. Yet know this is only for a duration. The fight is when we know who we are compared to how we are due to medication effects and our mental vulnerability.

The fight is when individuals see a ill patient instead of a person who did exist without illness for a duration, who progressed by leaps and bounds, who is intelligent & grabbed hold of as much training as they could to help them be a better supporter for others, and themself. And now, now they are the one who needs more than the typical level of help given to a person for them to progress.

I wake up. Thank you.

I remember an Occupational Therapist said people need a kick up the backside and to get out of bed. – This was a uneducated statement. We know medication such as antipsychotics, are based from major tranquilizers. We know the brain for a short duration of time puts its foot down and pushes out more brain chemicals to compensate. We know the medications change metabolism processes and cause the body to become inefficient with energy processing, thus weight gain. No fault of the person. We know after a duration of time, the brain makes more receptors and becomes more chemically sensitive to counter effects of medication. We know the recovery rates are higher and relapse rates are lower of those not introduced to antipsychotics at all compared to individuals who are introduced to taking antipsychotics. We know that when acute illness is tackled, is as important as the treatment assigned. We know the individuals ability to rationale through what is happening is important. We know education about the diagnosis and the impacts medications have is important.

The main event that messed my recovery up: the effects of antipsychotic medication & being sent home to fend for myself, with one visit to the community psychiatric nurse each week.

Effects: I returned home a blank slate. All the valuable life experience gained got disconnected from me. Everything to this moment has been me relearning.

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