It is 00:56 (12:56am). I did begin writing earlier, at a time my phone battery announced it was on its last legs re energy.
When I become unwell, I am shown elements of other peoples lives and how it intertwines with my own.
I am reminded of the effort I made to safeguard the Earth from being lost forever. Now that I am more informed, was it really my effort, or the effort of another who I was living through at the time?
I feel I will need to say goodbye to having access to the interweb (world wide web) soon. Much time lost scrolling, looking at others efforts, instead of my own self development.
I need to buy nylon guitar strings for my guitar. There is a problem with the current strings fitted.
Not sure I should be typing at this time, as I am starting to feel tired. A little earlier I was pacing the room, listening to LBC 97.3FM. The presenter said millenials were having less sex, alcohol & drugs, because in the eyes of the presenter, millenials have less money. When I heard this, I immediately thought, that actually millenials could be demonstrating sense here. Sexual health awareness is up. Awareness of the plight alcohol misuse has, is up. I can speak for me, I saw smoking addiction in my mother, where she used it to help cope with her Schizophrenia. Yet it caused issues with interaction. I saw how damaging, smelly, and ill it was. Yet she was trapped, caught up in her vice. I had empathy to an extent. When others tried to convince me to partake in smoking, it was a red flag for me. Yet I understood the Psychology: wouldn’t be able to judge if I smoked too. Would be viewed as a bonding moment when smoking together (despite how damaging it is). The person that tried to encourage me to smoke, quoted the Bible saying herbs would bring the world people together. When I heard this I thought not in a way that burns a persons lungs out though.. If they cared, would they put more effort into trying to help others avoid smoking, particularly as the people had managed to get by without needing it thus far? Looking on, seeing someone I care about smoke, it pained me inside.
‘Free will’ – When I have the memory symptoms surface as part of my condition, it causes me to do less, because I try to understand whether the symptom is a warning sign, (which it is to a degree) often I am shown a course, sometimes versions of life, with bits missing.
I think about my future children. That they would have a version of me inside of them, thus being around to help my friends and their children when I am no longer physically around in this body.
I keep hearing a powerful humming sound. When I researched it, others hear it too. Yet its source is a mystery. It reminds me of 2016, when I experienced the effect of sounds and their affects on the body. I was in bed shaking, feeling cold, trying to sleep. I heard one version of environment sounds which included repeatative bass music on the estate. After a time it suddenly changed to an environment sound I had not heard before or did not remember. When that happened, my shaking immediately stopped, I was at ease, calm and no longer cold.
The brain processes a lot, some a person is conscious of and some not. You always see your nose, yet there is a time when for one reason or another, it is guaged as not important to constantly take notice of, so fades out, in vision.
I learned wearing spectacles makes a persons eyes worse, particularly when worn all the time. A persons eyes have to work differently when spectacles are worn.