Monday 18the September 2017

Hello ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

Had an early yet slow start to the day. Made soup for breakfast. I did eat the majority of it today.

Went to a meeting with my tutor. I wrote some on the whiteboard and it was used for points in our discussion.

There was a point where I drew a line representing time and drew loop back arrows for moments ill health has set me back. My tutor asked if the Kevin of now, was different say from the Kevin a couple of loop backs previously. I said in some aspects, yes. He asked why? I said because I learned from each experience and it developed me. At the start when I first got ill, after leaving hospital, I would like other people, stick my head in the sand and close off to the world. Now, now I make effort to speak up and say what I am going through.

It reminds me of when I struggled financially. At first I stuck my head in the sand and it led to more difficulties. Over time I learned it is better to contact utility suppliers and anyone you are paying debts off to, the moment you start to face difficulties. 

I have cut luxuries to minimum. I may live here, yet I am not caught up with how others live.  When my circumstances change, I will adjust luxuries again.

My action plan is amended and I have homework to complete before the 25th.

I experienced blood pressure issues today and strange sensations in my brain. It is the early signs of ill health onset. When I returned home I administered another antipsychotic pill in hopes to counter.

Either tonight or tomorrow I will read and begin the exercises in the Career Coach book by Corinne Mills.

I played for a short time Star Wars Battlefront. Now I am sat doing nothing, apart from typing this. I will tidy up the flat some more & put clothes away. When I returned from visiting my tutor, I moved the clothes off the sofa, onto the piano keyboard. I need to actually deal with them instead of shifting them about.

On Wednesday I need to food shop. Really low currently.

Update Tuesday 19th, 4:09am: I woke around 1 something am. Spent time sat on sofa, staring and looking around waiting. Thoughts of: you know your paying for this don’t you? Paying the electricity company, just to be sat on your sofa doing nothing.. – 

I got up and grabbed the Career Coach book. Read a little, got some lined paper & started a task from it.

Look at the skills and highlight the ones you excel at. 

The difference between ‘good with people’ vs. ‘experienced in dealing with visitors to surgery / organisation who can be anxious.’ Competency based sentence.

While picking out skills, I thought to view my CV and to ensure skills I mention are evidenced in competency briefs & to focus on how I relied on these, how they helped ensure I was successful in my various roles and what the positive results and outcomes were. For me, others, the organisation and bigger picture borough and funder objectives.

I moved my sofa. I will sleep the other end of my bed, in order to view my tapestry I put up on the wall. Initially I thought of threading clothes line along the top and tying it to fittings. I wasn’t able to find the clothes line until now. So I had improvised and used blu tac spaced out along the top. It worked out well.

With concession, the gym cost for Brixton Recreation Centre is ๏ฟก220 for the year, with all access, off peak. 9am to 4:15pm. – I have an exercise bike indoors and dumbbells. Yet I have found it challenging to sustain regular exercise. I will try again.

There are moments I feel like this:

I see how others behave and I have patience, waiting for them to catch up and realise things I have. Sometimes I have to opt to this, when they are stubborn and wont listen.

I am 36 years old. As part of looking over the 2020 vision documentation of the Borough, I wrote to discover how many 0/1, 1/1, 1/2 properties there are compared to 2/2, 2/3, 3/4 properties. Wrote, what makes relationships successful / sustainable? It would lessen instances of single parenthood, as well as help people progress and live together.

My previous relationship, was short lived, because my partner at the time treated it as a competition instead of shared companionship. They went for 1 up on me, instead of striving for win win when I brought things to their attention and how what they were doing is damaging. I discovered they wouldn’t budge and had an issue they were in denial about. I did not want to be made sad and miserable, in which I was being made to feel, so I brought the ‘relationship’ to a close and asked for my keys back. Trusting and giving keys to them, freedom to come and go and access to all the resources here and for me to be made to feel crap, and when I spoke up about things, it was batted away, dismissed, no thank you.

Going off topic slightly.

Give or take, I have 12 hours in Tuesday. I will:

  • Exercise, and walk along the balance beam at the local park
  • Continue Career Coach work
  • Find out about property numbers in the Borough.
  • Read my MindGym relationships book
  • Contact some organisations and ask about reasonable adjustments relating to flexible working hours.

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