I just watched a youtube video.
It stands out more because I built up to becoming near acutely unwell in 2016, April.
‘Researchers In the Last 24 Hours, the Resonance of the Earth’…: http://youtu.be/UK4lM8scBhM
I remember when young, my brain seemed aware, there were voices representing systems. – When we talk to ourselves in our minds, are the responses rehearsed (practiced) or genuine feedback from something?
I remember when young, I had a realisation that things would not get any better with living with my mum. I was constantly kept inside and had minimal emotional feedback & interaction from her. I know if it was due to the medication she was taking, that it was drastically unfair. I was a hyper vibrant child, yet this realisation caused me to be miserable. I stopped smiling.
My sister put effort into getting me to smile and exercise my facial muscles, when she visited. We did not live together.
I would get excited and happy like a watered and sunned flower perking up to greet the day, on the day my sister would visit.
One day she did not visit. I spoke to her on the phone & she said she would attend. I stood at that window waiting and waited and waited. Fuelled by belief I remained. As my mum told me Theresa wouldnt be attending. I didnt believe my mum, I held on to my faith in what my sister told me and I was let down. I sobbed I cried so much. My heart was devastated. My faith got me nowhere. Yet I recognised the importance that my sister would know I did not give up on her.
During that time I battled with the internal thinking process, ever loyal I stood at the window. My sister was my happiness. Until I crumbled. It was an exercise in determination.
I could of walked away from the window & played with toys and if my sister showed up then great. Yet I chose to stay by the window, looking out for her. My belief I would see her walking along the street and the good feeling of spotting each other with smiles on our faces.
It was an emotional time.
Now in present day, other things take up my sisters focus, her own family and yes things have changed. I continue to reach out to them, yet get little in return. It causes me to feel abandoned. In some respects, I am dragged back to that time living in the house with my mum.
I have become my own parent and rely on myself and the Earth.
Stop polluting Earth my home for the sake of convenience, people.