Wednesday 16th August

Hello šŸ™‚

Yesterday morning I went to the local park and walked along the balance beams a few times. I stepped up and down the stairs next to the slide. I returned to my building and walked up the stairs to the 8th floor. I was tired after doing this.

Today I walked along a wall. Walked along the balance beams. Stepped up and down the slide stairs. I did not climb the stairs of my building because my leg muscles were aching.

Earlier in the morning I visited the local post office. I arrived early so decided to keep walking for 15 minutes and then I returned to it in time of its opening.

With an expired passport (my only photo ID) I tried to access Moneygram funds but was turned away by staff. I was given a passport renewal form for my effort.

I am broke.

My effort yesterday & today was good. It challenged my social anxiety.

Today I spent most of my journeys looking at the ground. I did this and will continue to because I do not want to be drawn by how women look and do not want to abuse their image by masturbating to them later. I actually rarely do that. I view porn instead, I see it as porn women give their permission to help singles with sexual relief. I have found that over reliance on this medium is detrimental to mental health and I am trying my best to limit it.

I found that my sexual appetite is fueled by attractions in past relationships. I find myself wrestling with respecting individuals and making effort to refrain from masturbation behaviour in light of this.

I might have a developmental issue which I am trying to identify with help of my Doctor. If it is confirmed after investigation, it will put a new slant on my Schizophrenia diagnosis.

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